Lustful women jam emergency lines
ZURAH NAKABUGO
KAMPALA

SOME 900 Kampala women call the Uganda Police emergency lines every night begging the officers for sex.

Shocking reporters at a usually drab police weekly press conference, Kampala Extra Police Spokesman Simeo Nsubuga said the information room was flooded with unwanted calls from lonely women.

"We warn desperate women who call our officers at night using police patrol lines asking them to make love. They call the toll free line everyday saying they are feeling so cold in bed and need some assistance from police," Mr Nsubuga told the bemused journalists.

"These women also go further to direct our officers at their places of residence so that they can reach them. They mainly start calling from midnight up to morning talking nonsense."

Hotlines which the Police Force publicises regularly are meant for quick response to emergencies like fire, robbery and theft.
The force which is strained by small numbers and less than ideal number of cars would rather respond to genuine emergencies rather than naughty callers.
Some naughtier callers, Mr Nsubuga said went as far as dialling the police only for officers to be treated to the sounds of people having sex.
Few policemen
According to official figures there is just one policeman for every 1,880 Ugandans.
According to Mr Nsubuga the information or dispatch room receives between 800-1,000 calls per night but only 10 per cent are genuine.

He singled out female callers as the most notorious abusers of the facility. Interestingly, Mr Nsubuga said some of the women claim it's the newspapers, radio stations and their pastors that convince them that men are available at the other end of the 999 emergency dial.

"We are warning them to stop congesting our Patrol lines because they deny access to people with serious emergencies," he said. Mr Nsubuga warned that the public risked a "no response" from the police in times of real need.

Police mission
The mission statement of the Uganda Police is to "secure life and property in partnership with the public". That mission is made difficult at times such as this. Among other complaints, the police mentioned callers who insult the officers and others who simply engage the lines but say nothing.

"Some drunkards just call us asking to be escorted back home after dancing and drinking. This is too much for us. We shall follow every caller and arrest those who don't have genuine reasons for calling," Mr Nsubuga said.

Police said among the bizarre requests made on the emergency 999 line are people who want to talk to their dead friends or relatives.

"They call us when they want to talk to Kadongo kamu artiste the late Paul Job Kafeero because their pastors told them to use 999 very late in the night and be able to talk to their beloved deceased," he said.

He advised the public to be brief when they call and clearly mention their address.
The police also advise residents to interest themselves in the phone numbers of area police stations and urged local leaders to clearly mark roads to enable accessibility by the police rescue teams.

Independent film, Max Payne: Payne and Redemption, makes Uwe Boll blush
16 comments by NickBrutal on 06.18.2007
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I can come up with a number of reasons why, up until now, I haven't heard about this independent film, Max Payne: Payne and Redemption. For starters, as solid as the series is, I usually fall asleep when anyone uses the deadly combination of the words "Max" and the oh-so-clever "Payne."

But I'll be damned, because this trailer for the British-made independent film (based on the Remedy Entertainment videogame series) looks pretty hot. The film's narrative takes place between the events of the first and second Max Payne games, and focuses on exploring what makes Payne tick ... which of course means bullet-time and prescription drugs he finds just lying around all over the place.

This first film is the third chapter in an ambitious six part project (wrap your head around that!), and I definitely wish the team the best of luck on actually completing the project. I'm just hoping they found an actor that can nail that "constipayted" look of the film's title character.