Quote:

From:      "emerson karim" <emerson3@hotmail.fr> Subject:      ASSISTANCE Date:      Tue, 06 Feb 2007 20:26:00 +0100 EMERSON KARIM I am EMERSON KARIM, managing director to the Branch Manager of Bank Of Africa (BOA)Ouagadougou Burkina Faso  I want to inquire from you if you can handle this transaction for mutual benefits/life opportunity for you and me. The transaction is about seeking your consent to present you as the next of kin/ beneficiary of the US$12 million dollars belonging to MR.SAYED HASSAN AWALI FROM JORDAN who is a customer to the bank where i work.He died in a Kenya plane crash2003. with his family during their vacation journey The Fund is currently in a suspense account awaiting claim, the bank made a public notice that they are ready to release this fund to any of his   relatives abroad. In that regard, i decided to seek your consent for this prospective opportunity. Have it at the back of your mind, that the transaction does not involve any risk and does not need much engagement from you, since i am familiar with this kind of transaction being an insider. Necessary modalities will be worked out to enable us carry out the fund  claim under a legitimate arrangement. I have resolved to offer you 45% of the total fund, 10% for sundry expenses that maybe incurred during the process of executing this transaction and 65% percent for me.I will give you more details about the transaction when I receive your affirmative response,For More clarification information contact me through my private e-mail addresS(Emersonkarim@yahoo.com) Thanks and Almighty bless. EMERSON KARIM

I love reading spam.  It has gotten more and more interesting since they are taking random bits of sentences from different websites to avoid the spam blockers and people but pictures up now of the ads...BRILLIANT!

I do have to wonder about the one I received above though.  This is somewhat like the Nigerian one with a bit of a twist.  I hope this is really old or it's intended for old people who just found out about the "interweb".  Enjoy and post any funny spam you get in this post.

X
(Give A Hoot...Don't Pollute)

Just got this one:


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But he operation called to mind overflow the dress held words of the will, which settle reading "My friend," said Morcerf, "let expansion us lit enjoy the prese    

FROM: GRIMHELM WORMTONGUE

DUNLAND

Dear sir and/or madame,

Salutations, I am GRIMHELM WORMTONGUE, The son of late Counsellor GrÌma Wormtongue of the Kingdom of Rohan.

My father was Chief Counsellor [equivalent to Prime Minister] to late lamented king ThÈoden of Rohan. In his position my father altogether legally and correctly acquired significant assets throughout Rohan in order to protect the Kingdom from enemy forces within and without.

In the course of lamentable events succeeding, my father was illegally deprived of office and expelled from the Kingdom.  Before this he had with foresight already entirely legally deposited the sum of M.500,000,000,000 in gold with the Bank of Gondor (Minas Tirith). While in exile in the north he was assaulted and murdered by a band of northern pigmies.  His family was obliged to seek refuge in northern Dunland among some of our sympathisers.

My father left to me all documents necessary to retrieve the sum of gold aforesaid from the Bank of Gondor (Minas Tirith).  However, in the current political circumstances my solicitor believes it unwise for me to attempt to make the trip from Dunland to Minas Tirith, and has recommended that I seek a trustworthy foreign business partner into whose account this money could be tranferred.  This appears to be the best option as we are unable to open an account in Dunland.  Therefore we are seeking your trustworthy assistance and cooperation.

You will provide information about your account that will enable a deposit to be made in your name.  I will contact the Bank of Gondor (Minas Tirith) and inform them that the money is to be placed into your
account.  Upon completion of the transaction your share of the proceeds will be 15% net following deduction of all transfer fees, that is M.75,000,000,000.  If the transaction goes well we also look forward to maintaining you as a profitable business partner for future ventures.

It goes without saying that I can expect your complete confidence andsecrecy in keeping this matter under wraps prefatory to completion.

Please reach me at my email address: mbrandybuck@buckland.net

Thank you and ERU bless.

MR. GRIMHELM WORMTONGUE




http://www.TWNCommunications.Net/Other/Weiner.gif

-b0b
(...bahaha!)

rofl! that was too good.

See!  Spam CAN be fun!!!

X

A take off on the classic...but this is kinda pathetic if you're just going with a county chamber of commerce in America...geez at least put some creativity.  Did you guys hear about the one where they threaten to carry out a hit on you unless if you pay them about what the person who hired them payed them.  Now THAT is creative!!!


Quote:

From:      "emerson karim" <emersonkarim3@hotmail.fr>  Add to Address BookAdd to Address Book  Add Mobile Alert Subject:      I NEED YOUR ASSISTANCE Date:      Mon, 12 Feb 2007 14:46:03 +0100 FROM MR.Emerson Karim Attention please! I got your contact over from my country chambers of commerce here in ouagadouguo,burkina faso,as a trustworthy and reliable person.please pay attention and understand my reason of contacting you today through this email. My name is MR.Emerson Karim manager,foreign remittance dept B.O.A Bank Of Africa here in Burkina faso . I am the account officier to a foreign customer,Late Mr. Morris Thompson ,an American who unfortunately lost his life in the plane crash of Alaska Airlines Flight 261, which crashed on January 31 2000. You may read more about the crash on visiting this C.N.N News internet website: http://archives.cnn.com/2000/US/02/01/alaska.airlines.list/ I desprately need your assistance to secure and move huge sums of money left behind by our late customer which amount US$12million dollars, I will pay you 45% of the total sum for your coperation in this matter.I will give you more details,on your positive response, also include in your reply and acknowledgement of this mail. Yours faithfully, MR.Emerson Karim

Quote:

Hello!!! How are you? My name is Nadejda. I am 26 years old. I live in Russia, city Yoshkar-Ola. I am cheerful woman, and like to do many things as sport, camping, go to the cinema, theatre etc. In a word I like to do all what like all people. I work in marketing structure on sale of cosmetics. My dream this travel abroad. I know the english language well enough.. I began to study english language approximately one year ago. I wish tell to you history which have pushed me write to you. 8 months ago I have got acquainted with the man from other country by name Justin. During this time we had good relations. We have understood that our relations become serious and we have decided to meet in his country. I wrote the application for reception the visa. I waited reception of the visa approximately half of year. All time I kept in touch with Justin through the internet and often called to each other. I and Justin waited reception of the visa to our meeting. I have received the invitation from the ambassador for reception of the visa. My director has given me long-term holiday from work and I have gone to Moscow to receive the visa. I informed good news to Justin, but he has answered, that does not want our meeting. He played with me. He has informed that has the wife with two children and at all has no plans to meet me. I was not ready to such turn of events. I could not think what even after 8 months of acquaintance he can so unscrupulously act with me. Now I am in Moscow trip to Moscow and reception of visa. I do not want that all was gone for nothing and will be glad if my visa will be useful to our meeting. I could arrive already through 4-5 days, but a problem in that that now I have no man which would like my arrival. Probable it will silly sound but if you will be interested in a meeting with the good woman I shall like to meet you sometime soon! As Justin was dishonest with me I have decided to find the man which is interested to meet the woman from Russia. I do not know your ideas about my letter, but it would be fine if we could meet and have some weeks or months together. On my trip I want to receive rest from my work and a life in Russia. Also the basic purpose for the future it is search good men for serious attitudes which go to a marriage. I have no children, but I want to have children in the future. I am the mature woman and ready to creation of family with good man. I do not know what you really search in the future but if we could meet I shall be happy to discuss with you more about our meeting. What are you going to do this time? It would be fine if we could meet, do friendship or more than simply friendship. I shall be happy if you also have a free time and we could meet soon. I do not know your interests, but anyhow write to me back and I shall tell to you more about myself. Write to me all that you want. Maybe we have similar plans and it will be interesting to us together. You can write all that you want. Ask any questions which interest you. Write to me back and I shall tell more about myself and send more my photos. Please, write to me back on my regular e-mail: zolotareva_nadej@bk.ru Have a good day, Nadejda.

This is a new one by me, that's for sure.

-b0b
(...maybe it's true?  Pssht!)

No cause I think all Russian women know how to send out massive email letters to people looking for John Q Serialkiller to give them a ring.

I like the letter though...wants to see some guy get duped and wind up at Motel 6 butt naked....not personally see it but hear about it on the news.  And he's screaming...THE RUSSIANS!!!  THE RUSSIANS!!!

X
(Hello friend would you like to be as happy as me?!  Well then just send one dollar to Happy Dude at 742 Evergreen Terrace.  Do it soon and be happy...today!!)

I WON THE LOTTERY...in the UK!!....that I didn't even enter and was informed through email...


Quote:

Date:       Wed, 14 Mar 2007 02:50:20 +0100 From:      "UK NATIONAL LOTTERY" <onlinepromotion_notification1@web.de>  Add to Address BookAdd to Address Book  Add Mobile Alert To:      info@uknationallottery.co.uk Subject:      CONGRATULATION...........YOU WON The Camelot Group,: Operators of The National Lottery. 3b Olympic Way, Sefton Business Park, Aintree, Liverpool , L30 1RD REF:UKL/74A0802742006                                                                     BATCH:2006UKL-01                      LOTTERY NOTICE The United Kingdom National Lottery wishes to inform you that the results of the E-mail address ballot lottery international program by Great Britain held on 12th  March  2007. Your email account have been picked as a winner of a lump sum pay out of Eight hundred and ninty-one thousand, nine hundred and thirty-four Great Britain pounds (£891,934.00 pounds sterlings) in cash credited to file REF NO. REF: UKL/74-A0802742006. This is from total prize money of GBP £4,459,670.00 shared among the FIVE (5) international winners in this category.All participants for the online version were selected randomly from World Wide Web through computer balloting system drawn from over 100,000 names database, union associations and corporate bodies that are listed online. This promotion is this year's United Kingdom National Lottery New Year bonanza. The Camelot Group, operators of the United Kingdom National Lottery is approved by the British Gaming Board and also Licensed by the The International Association of Gaming Regulators (IAGR). All winning must be claimed not later than 14 working days from this notification. After this time all unclaimed funds will be retured to European Union Treasury as unclaimed. Please note in order to avoid unnecessary delays and complications please remember to quote your reference number in all correspondence.Be advice to keep your winning information confidential until your claims has been processed and your money remitted to you.This is part of our security protocol to avoid double claiming and unwarranted abuse of this program. To begin your claim, please contact your Fiduciaryagent: Mr. Williams Ronald Tel: +44 704 571 2809 Tel:  +44 703 184 6921 Official Email: fiduciary_lottoclaimagent@yahoo.co.uk He will brief you on steps to be taken for due processing and remittance of your prize money.. Note below your winning details: Ticket NAAº: 22-1356-4096-988 Serial NAAº: A069-07 Lucky NAAº: 12-13-21-26-32-39 Bonus-17 File REF NAº.:  UKL/74-A0802742006 BATCH NAAº.: 2006UKL-01 Congratulations again from all our staff and thank you for being part of our promotions program. Sincerely, Mrs Dianne Thompson Online Coordinator, CAMELOT GROUP, Operator of The National Lottery. N.B. Any breach of confidentiality on the part of the Winners will result to disqualification. NOTE: Do not reply this mail. You are to contact your claims officer immediately. In order to avoid unnecessary delays and complications, please remember to quote your reference number in every one of your correspondences. *IMPORTANT* FILL OUT THIS WINNERS VERIFICATION FORM BELOW: Your application for the claim of lottery winning prize will be duly processed and settlement made upon certification. Hence, carefully fill in the appropriate information in the space provided below for record purposes to facilitate our immediate commencement of your claims process. The completed form should be sent to your Fiduciary agent for immediate commencement of prize remittance. *Name of Beneficiary:................................................. *Address:................................................... *Country:...................................... *City/State:............................... *Nationality:.......................... *Sex:........... *Email Address:................................ *Tel:............................ *Fax (if any)........................... *Occupation:.......................... *Next of Kin:................... *Age:..................... *AMOUNT WON:................... *In Figures:....................... *In Words:.................................................. *Lucky Nos:.......................................... *Ticket No:........................... OFFICE USE ONLY Verified by:________________ Confirmed by: ________________ FIDUCIARY AGENT SIGNATURE:________________ NOTE: Do not reply this mail. You are to contact your claims officer immediately. In order to avoid unnecessary delays and complications, please remember to quote your reference number in every one of your correspondences.

Quote:

From:      "karbein karbein" <oma1109@hotmail.fr>  Add to Address BookAdd to Address Book  Add Mobile Alert Subject:      waiting for your urgent reply Date:      Mon, 16 Apr 2007 16:21:25 +0000 HEAD OFFICE :                    FROM THE FOREIGN OPERATION MANAGER:                    BANK OF AFRICA  B.O.A  BURKINA FASO                    AVENUE NKRUMA P.O. BOX 421 OUAGADOUGOU GREETINGS MY NAME IS DR KARBIEN THE MANAGER,CREDIT AND FOREIGN BILLS OF BANK OF AFRICA B.O.A BURKINA FASO  WEST AFRICA. AM WRITTING IN RESPECT OF A FOREIGN CUSTOMER OF OUR BANK WITH ACCOUNT NUMBER 908-14-255-144  Dahlig, Mitchell A FOREIGNER IN MY COUNTRY BURKINA FASO WHOSE COUNTRY IS UNKNOWN BY MY BANK  HE  DIED IN PLANE CRASH (KOREAN AIR FLIGHT 801) WITH WHOLE PASSENGER ONBOARDON AUGUST 6,1997. AND FOR YOUR PERSUAL YOU CAN VIEW THIS WEBSITE. Ref: http://www.cnn.com/WORLD/9708/06/guam.passenger.list SINCE THE DEATH OF THIS CUSTOMER, I PERSONALLY I HAVE WATCH WITH KIND INTEREST TO SEE THE NEXT OF KIN BUT ALL HAS PROVE ABORTIVE AS NO ONE HAS COME TO CLAIM HIS FUND OF 18.5M(EIGHTEEN MILLION FIVE HUNDREDED THOUSAND U.S DOLLAR)ONLY.WHICH HAS BEEN WITH OUR BRANCH FOR A VERY LONG TIME.ON THIS NOTE,I DECIDED TO SEEK FOR WHOM HIS NAME WILL BE USE AS THE NEXT OF KIN AS NO ONE COME UP AS HIS NEXT OF KIN. THE BANKING RULES HERE DOES NOT ALLOW SUCH MONEY TO STAY MORE THAN TEN YEARS, BECAUSE THE MONEY WILL BE RECALL  TO THE BANK TREASURY AS UNCLAIMED   FUND AFTER THIS PERIOD. IN VIEW OF THIS I GOT YOUR CONTACT THROUGH A TRADE JOURNAL WHEN I WAS MAKING A RESEARCH ON A FOREIGNER I WILL USE IN THIS THIS GREAT OPPORTUNITY,FOR YOUR ASSISTANT I AM WILLING TO GIVE TWENTY PERCENT 20% OF THE TOTAL SUM.UPON THE RECEIPT OF YOUR RESPONSE,I WILL SEND YOU BY FAX OR EMAIL THE DETAIL INFORMATION ON  WHICH YOU WILL FILL AND SIGN AND SEND BACK TO ME TO HELP YOU SUBMITE TO OUR BANK FOR THE PROCESSING OF THE FUND. I WILL NOT FAIL TO BRING TO YOUR NOTICE THAT THIS BUSINESS IS HITCH FREE AND THAT YOU SHOULD NOT ENTERTAIN ANY ATOM OF FEAR AS ALL MODALITIES FOR THE SMOOTH AND FAIR OF THE EASY TRANSFER OF THIS FUND HAS BEEN FINALIZED BY ME HERE. THIS TRANSACTION WILL BE COMPLETED WITHIN (7) SEVEN WORKING DAYS OF RECIEVING YOUR FULL RESPONSE,AFTER YOU HAVE APPLY AS THE NEXT OF KIN TO THE DECEASE CUSTOMER. WHEN YOU RECIEVE THIS MAIL KINDLY REPLY TO MY PRIVATE EMAIL ADDRESS AND ( kabore102@yahoo.fr ) (dr.karbien1@yahoo.fr) PLEASE INCLUDE YOUR PRIVATE TELE/FAX NUMBER FOR QUICK COMMUNICATION BETWEEN ME AND YOU. YOURS SINCERELY DR KARBIEN MANAGER

My favorite part about this spam email is that it acutally references a real story on CNN's webpage.  Still...I doubt a bank official would use a hotmail email account for business purposes even if that person is french.

X

This is a new one...I didn't even know I had entered the Australian lottery!!!


Quote:

From:      "Australian Lottery Department / Foreign Affairs Commision" <winners@dfat.gov.au>  Add to Address BookAdd to Address Book  Add Mobile Alert Subject:      Winning Notification (Australian Email Lottery Winner) Date:      Tue, 29 May 2007 03:34:27 +0200 FROM:THE DESK OF THE VICE PRESIDENT INTERNATIONAL PROMOTIONS/PRIZE AWARDS DEPARTMENT AUSTRALIAN INTERNATIONAL SWEEPSTAKES LOTTERY CORPORATION. Winning Numbers GB8701/LPRC AWARD NOTIFICATION: FINAL NOTICE We are delighted to inform you of your prize release on the 28th of MAY 2007 from the Australian International Lottery Programme with the following information: Date:28/5/2007 Ref: 475061725 Batch: 7056490902/188 Winning no: GB8701/LPRR Which is fully based on an electronic selection of winners using their e-mail addresses.Your name was attached to ticket number; 47161725070564909 serial number 7741137002 This batch draws the lucky numbers as follows:5-13-33-37-42 bonus number 17,which consequently won the lottery in the second category. You hereby have been approved a prize of US$450,000.00 (FOUR HUNDRED AND FIFTY THOUSAND DOLLARS) in cash credit file ref: ILP/HW 47509/02 from the total cash prize shared amongst eight lucky winners in this category.All participants were selected through a computer balloting system drawn from One hundred thousand E-mail addresses from Canada, Australia,United States, Asia, Europe, Middle East and Africa as part of our international promotions program which is conducted annually . This Lottery was promoted and sponsored by a conglomerate of some multinational companies in Australia as part of their social responsibility to the citizens in the communities where they have operational base. Further more your details(e-mail address) falls within our European representative office in Amsterdam,Holland, as indicated in your play coupon and your prize of US$450,000.00 will be released to you from our Australian regional branch bureau in USA. We hope with part of your prize, you will participate in our end of year high stakes for US$1.3 Billion international draw. HOW TO CLAIM YOUR PRIZE: Simply contact our Fiducial Agent,  REV Grant Robionson Via ( grant.robinson@bos-uk.info )to file for your claim . Please quote your Date of draw, Reference Number, Batch Number and Winning Number, which can be found on the top-left corner of this message.Also you should give in your telephone number to help locate your file easily. For security reasons, we advice all winners to keep this information confidential from the public until your claim is processed and your prize has been released to you. This is part of our security protocol to avoid double claiming and unwarranted taking advantage of this programme by non-participant or unofficial personnel. Note: All winnings MUST be claimed by the 6th June 2007, other wise all funds will be returned as Unclaimed and eventually donated to charity. Congratulations once again on your winning! ALSO ENSURE YOU TYPE THE EMAIL ADDRESS CORRECTLY TO ENSURE SAFE & QUICK EMAIL DELIVERY/RESPONSE. ANY BREACH OF CONFIDENTIALITY ON THE PART OF WINNERS WILL RESULT TO DISQUALIFICATION. Best Regards. Carol Sweet(co-ordinator) PLEASE DO NOT REPLY TO THIS EMAIL. CONTACT YOUR CLAIMS AGENT VIA EMAIL (grant.robinson@bos-uk.info ) LOTTERY SPONSORS: CHIEF SPONSORS; USA, MICROSOFTCORPORATION ASIA

Quote:

From:      Send an Instant Message "Ken Williams" <kenwilliams14141@yahoo.com>  Add Mobile Alert Subject:      From: Ken Williams Date:      Wed, 5 Mar 2008 13:35:10 +0100 From: Ken Williams Dear Good friend How are you today? Hope all is well with you and your family?, You may not understand why this mail came to you.But if you do not remember me or my colleague, you might have received an email from us in the past regarding a million-dollar business proposal which we never concluded with you. I am using this opportunity to inform you that this million-dollar business has been concluded with the assistance of another partner from United Kingdom (London) who financed the transaction to a logical conclusion.I thank you for your great effort to our unfinished transfer of fund into your account due to one reason or the other best known to you. But I want to inform you that I have successfully transferred the fund out of the Africa to my new partner's account in UK who assisted me in this great venture but now I am in China for business mission, Due to your effort then, sincerity, courage and trust worthiness shown during the course of the transaction.I want to compensate you and show my gratitude to you with the sum of $500,000.00 (Five Hundred Thousand united State Dollars Only) I have left a certified international bank draft for you worth of $500,000.00. My dear friend I will like you to contact my secretary Mr. Frank Obi, on his direct email address at: (frankobi@hotmail.fr) for the collection of your bank draft.I authorized him to release the Bank Draft to you whenever you contact him regarding it. At the moment, I'm very busy here in China because of the investment projects, which I and my new partner are having at hand.Please I will like you to accept this token with good faith as this is from the bottom of my heart,Also comply with Frank Obi's directives so that he will send the draft to you without any delay. CONTACT: Frank Obi Email: frankobi@hotmail.fr Therefore, you should contact him and send him your telephone number/your current mailing address,{Home or Office} where you want him to send the draft to you. Thanks and God bless you and your family. Mr. Ken Williams

Hmm I don't remember anyone talking to me about a multi-million dollar business deal.  Hmm I should start drinking so I can stop then the black outs might stop.

X

Yeah, and I bet you don't remember stalking me on Shimmel Road yesterday, either.

-b0b
(...crafty!)

Oh...I remember.  I was looking at your license plate and I was like...Hmm 1337 HXR that sounds familiar.  Then I saw your Jeep and I thought...hmm that looks familiar.  Then I was like...that driver looks like bob...hmm he looks familiar.  Then I waved excitedly!

X

When I drove by, I thought you looked an awful lot like... well, you.  I wasn't positive, though, because I didn't recognize that horrible excuse for a vehicle you were driving.

-b0b
(...laughs at Stewie's ride.)

Quote:

Then I was like...that driver looks like bob...hmm he looks familiar.

You mean that guy looks like bobs mom...only less manly.  Yup, that's bob.

...and who is the person laying down in the front passenger seat?  Is that... yes, it is Spanky's mom!

-b0b
(...and why is her head bobbing up and down?)

She is probably vomiting from having to ride in your jeep.


Jeeps are by far the gayest of all (american) cars!

This coming from a man that used to think Corvettes were sexy?

OOOOOOOOOOOH!

-b0b
(...in your face!)

Why would you bring that up?  Everyone does stupid shit when they are younger!

I should have done drugs instead of like vettes...

I don't know, bud.  Loving a Corvette is kind of like dating your cousin - you just don't get over something like that.

-b0b
(...thinks the stigma will stay around forever.)

Loving a corvette is like being hooked on EQ.  It will take years of therapy to let go.  But there will always be a scar.

...you dated your couson didn't you?  You freak! (at least tell me it was a female cousin)

Quote:

...you dated your couson didn't you?

What's a couson?  Is that like a French chick?

X

A couson is when the 'O' key is too damned close to the 'I' key.

I have answers for everything!

spanky wrote on Mar 6^th, 2008 at 1:59pm:

...you dated your couson didn't you?  You freak! (at least tell me it was a female cousin)

Hey!  She was my second cousin, and that was by marriage!

-b0b
(...umm, I mean...)

Number please....I mean you're sick!